Many young girls pick out the names of their children long before they–I will not say marry, but rather, before they even meet their husband. Indeed, little girls love picking out names; I have observed both in myself and in my younger sisters. 

Some people who give talks on ’emotional chastity’ possibly disapprove of this practice, but unless you are actually planning a nonexistent future family with a particular person, I doubt that it is harmful. It doesn’t really cement any unhealthy emotional attachments unless that situation arises. Anyway, I would like to show you this list of perfect names for Catholic Latin geeks. Ideally, they would have eight sons and eight daughters, in order to show off this list to its fullest perfection, but since this is an unlikely event I am keeping the list down to seven.
All the girls would be named ‘Maria’ and all the boys named ‘Iosephus’ (or ‘Josephus’)*, but here’s the cool part (shamelessly stolen from the customs of ancient Rome): every name has a Latin number attached to it for the sake of distinguishing.

So I present to you:
Maria Prima
Maria Secunda
Maria Tertia
Maria Quarta**
Maria Quinta
Maria Sexta
Maria Septima
Iosephus Primus
Iosephus Secundus
Iosephus Tertius
Iosephus Quartus**
Iosephus Quintus
Iosephus Sextus
Iosephus Septimus
In short, first Mary, second Mary, third Mary, fourth Mary, fifth Mary, sixth Mary, seventh Mary, first Joseph, second Joseph, third Joseph, fourth Joseph, fifth Joseph, sixth Joseph, and seventh Joseph.
Succinct and useful, and avoiding those annoying pitfalls that occur when every child has the same name. If one were to have an eighth child of either gender, one could give a son the name of Iosephus Octavius**, and a daughter the happy name of Maria Octavia, which I actually really like. It has a kind of Russian Empress vibe to it.
* I prefer to use ‘i’ to indicate this sound, since it has no g or j sound whatsoever. Besides, that was how the ancient Romans wrote it.
** I use these forms rather than the actual forms of ‘quaternus, a, um’ and ‘octavus, a, um’ because apparently ‘quarta’ is the indication of ‘fourth’ as a girl’s name in Rome (admittedly, according to Wikipedia, which I doubt is a great source, but whatever–this is a blog post), and when ‘octavus’ was used as a name it always had an ‘i’ in the stem. I simply masculinized ‘quarta’ rather than use the proper form, since Wikipedia did not mention it.

3 thoughts on “Names

  1. Maggie, you WOULDN'T, would you!?If you would, just so you know, I am the Godmother to all of them and *I*'m naming them. ;-)Love, Emily Prima 😉

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